Friday, January 21, 2011

it's getting harder...

to "grin and bear it."

i'm suppose to swallow my feelings and act like i'm not upset.

well i am. very.


Thursday, January 20, 2011

valentine's day.

i should just have a black hearts party because every year a guy is treating me like shit, or there isn't a guy at all, or something.

i hate made up holidays.


i wish...

because that's how you are for me.


Wednesday, January 19, 2011

it's in the night that i miss you the most.

i just need to know that everything will be okay...


here's some tunes.

listen in. by the way, i just realized how much i love certain bands, that's why i'm doing this.

10. lost in the world - kanye west feat. bon iver
09. good ol' fashion nightmare - matt & kim
08. daylight - matt & kim
07. want u - lo-fi-fink
06. bear - the antlers
05. you - gold panda
04. coquet coquette - of montreal
03. swim - oh no ono
02. dance floor - the apples in stereo
01. our way to fall - yo la tengo

there you go. enjoy.


blueberry crepes. and kfc. it's dinner time.

finally got my blueberry crepes. and now my stepdad is getting kfc. SO. EXCITED.

i think secretly i'm an obese cat lady trapped in a skinny(ish) mildly attractive(ish) fashion student.

i've come to terms with it, i'm really okay with it, ha.

i'm watching something about diamonds and i seriously thought about what i want my future engagement ring to look like. how pathetic. like i'm ever going to be engaged. i'm batshit crazy, no man will ever marry me. it's okay i always got my cat.


my animals are nuts.

i wish i could record the snores of my dog conrad. SO. FREAKIN. LOUD. he sounds like a human being when he snores. so presh.

my cat has been running around the house literally since last night. i didn't sleep much because of her.

and finally my oranda goldfish bear has been splashing around in his tank all morning.

the animals are going crazy and i don't know what to do.

anywho, given my recent happenings in my life, i really have a song stuck in my head that i'm probably going to play the hell out of today. i'm making a "get happy" playlist. some of the songs are just upbeat songs with lyrics that apply to my situation, and some of them are just upbeat songs that i can sing and dance to. i think i may just drive around all day, shop, eat, and listen to this playlist in my car. driving always clears my mind and helps me feel better. driving has always made me feel better, ever since i was a baby.

here's that song dears. have a good day, as will i (try).


Monday, January 17, 2011

don't make a mistake.

it's really hard, when you're with someone you really like, to not fall in love. and it's really hard, when you love that someone, to try and be without them. you may not be able to sleep, you may think there's no chance of ever being with them (which sorry, but there probably isn't), you may think they're out of your life forever, and you may think you're destined to be a lonely cat lady. being alone sucks, and there will be tears (many) but in the end you have to think this way: is that person losing sleep over you? is that person crying over you? does that person worry about never seeing you again? probably not. why should you waste minutes of your life for them if they wouldn't do the same for you? don't, because they probably don't deserve it and might feel pretty bad when they see you can do fine without them (this is only a MIGHT, because they may truly just not have feelings). don't waste your love on someone else. because the only person who truly loves you, is you. and you can break your own heart, so don't even allow someone else to do it.

and who knows, maybe they'll come back (MAYBE).


Sunday, January 16, 2011

i don't want to work today.

i have to work 5:30 to midnight tonight. that's not exciting. at all. at least i found a $16 bra yesterday at work. i was so excited. it cute too. not like i have anyone to show it to. self esteem booster i guess.

i'm really tired today and i don't feel like going to work. but i can't miss. i'm barely getting hours this week which sucks because i haven't found a second job yet. i'm.... fucked.

have a good day.


Saturday, January 15, 2011

it's true.



you should check out my tumblr. i love tumblr.


don't you ever.

don't ever get your hopes up. because 90% of the time, someone is going to crush them.

don't ever trust anyone who says they just want time away from the relationship, because it usually means the relationship is over for good.

don't ever get a chicken sandwich from mcdonald's in the south if you can't eat spicy food, because they make them spicy.

don't ever cry over someone who won't cry over you.

and finally, don't ever love anyone because no one will ever love you except you.


Friday, January 14, 2011

eventful night ahead...

i'm getting a tattoo tonight friends. its gonna be brutal. i'm excited though. it's an owl. i'll put up a pic after i get home tonight.

i'm having a good hair and make up day. this is good. i need to be in a good mood. i miss him.

i'm really sick of being freezing cold. it makes me not wanna go out or go do anything. but only 65 or so days left and then i can finally start thawing out.

well, i gotta go take from my savings account (FUCK) so i can get this tat. catch ya later.



uhm, YES. i love him. LOVE.

Thursday, January 13, 2011

changes. again.

i dyed my hair tonight (you can't tell in the picture). but this time it's actually all the same color. red. i have no idea why i'm so obsessed with dying my hair red. but i never dye it as red as i want it. oh well. next time i'm going back to a natural brown.

i also had a break up tonight. but i'm trying to take it all in and just not be too emotional. i think i'll be okay. hopefully. he had me. but i just have to make the best of it and focus on me.

have a good night loves.


Wednesday, January 12, 2011

one real quick thing.

i just looked and noticed that my blog (this one, not my tumblr one) has been viewed by 6 people in china. i am so glad that my blog was allowed to be shown in china! thank you china!


it's been a while...

hello friends. sorry i've been distant, again. i now vow to post at least 3 times a week. PROMISE.

right now i've just been really busy trying to figure out how to take care of ME. it's a tough job. but its like i've said before, love yourself, because you're the only one who ever truly will. everyone always talks about true love this and true love that. there is only one true love, and that's with your own self.

i've also been enjoying my days off of work as much as i can. i've been looking for a second job so i can make some more money before heading out to san fran. hopefully this job with at&t works out. or landry's.

i'm really excited for FIDM. they mailed an official acceptance letter the other day along with some papers with info on them and a little bag. every thing's happening so fast and i am so excited and so blessed.

i deactivated my facebook account. it has caused so much drama in my life and i just don't want all that mess right now. can't take it. i need to be stress free. i'll reactivate it sometime later when the haters are gone and so am i.

it's been not the best week for me, but i'm just trying to push past all of it and focus on me. i don't care about friends, my boyfriend, my cat, my puppy, my anyone. just me.

gonna dye my hair tonight, hope i don't fuck it all up. i need a haircut too. i'm hoping that after getting it cut it grows because i'm sick of short hair. i want it long, long, long. i totally want another tattoo, too. i almost went and got one today, but gas and hair dye and chapstick are WAY more important.

well loves, i'm going to go. need to figure out how to get everything i want for my birthday.


Thursday, January 6, 2011


my sincerest apologies about not being on here lately. there's a good reason. actually a few. let me name them:

1. i love my boyfriend to death. seriously.

2. victoria's secret fucking hates me and makes me slave, slave, slave. worth the money.

3. quit school (temporarily, we'll get back to that) and am picking up a second job.

4. officially moving to san francisco in june because,


ahhhhhhhh. so excited. my life is just really great right now. although there are so many people that are no longer in my life, i still have something to look forward to. and you know what? my past sucks. the people of my past suck. but my future is bright, so i'll put on my sunglasses and bask in the glory of it all. and hopefully find some better people to place in my life anyway. stay presh, beauties.