it's getting harder...

to "grin and bear it."

i'm suppose to swallow my feelings and act like i'm not upset.

well i am. very.

-s.

valentine's day.

i should just have a black hearts party because every year a guy is treating me like shit, or there isn't a guy at all, or something.

i hate made up holidays.

-s.

i wish...

because that's how you are for me.

-s.

it's in the night that i miss you the most.

i just need to know that everything will be okay...

-s.

here's some tunes.

listen in. by the way, i just realized how much i love certain bands, that's why i'm doing this.

10. lost in the world - kanye west feat. bon iver
09. good ol' fashion nightmare - matt & kim
08. daylight - matt & kim
07. want u - lo-fi-fink
06. bear - the antlers
05. you - gold panda
04. coquet coquette - of montreal
03. swim - oh no ono
02. dance floor - the apples in stereo
01. our way to fall - yo la tengo

there you go. enjoy.

-s.

blueberry crepes. and kfc. it's dinner time.

finally got my blueberry crepes. and now my stepdad is getting kfc. SO. EXCITED.

i think secretly i'm an obese cat lady trapped in a skinny(ish) mildly attractive(ish) fashion student.

i've come to terms with it, i'm really okay with it, ha.

i'm watching something about diamonds and i seriously thought about what i want my future engagement ring to look like. how pathetic. like i'm ever going to be engaged. i'm batshit crazy, no man will ever marry me. it's okay i always got my cat.

-s.

my animals are nuts.

i wish i could record the snores of my dog conrad. SO. FREAKIN. LOUD. he sounds like a human being when he snores. so presh.

my cat has been running around the house literally since last night. i didn't sleep much because of her.

and finally my oranda goldfish bear has been splashing around in his tank all morning.

the animals are going crazy and i don't know what to do.

anywho, given my recent happenings in my life, i really have a song stuck in my head that i'm probably going to play the hell out of today. i'm making a "get happy" playlist. some of the songs are just upbeat songs with lyrics that apply to my situation, and some of them are just upbeat songs that i can sing and dance to. i think i may just drive around all day, shop, eat, and listen to this playlist in my car. driving always clears my mind and helps me feel better. driving has always made me feel better, ever since i was a baby.



here's that song dears. have a good day, as will i (try).

-s.

don't make a mistake.

it's really hard, when you're with someone you really like, to not fall in love. and it's really hard, when you love that someone, to try and be without them. you may not be able to sleep, you may think there's no chance of ever being with them (which sorry, but there probably isn't), you may think they're out of your life forever, and you may think you're destined to be a lonely cat lady. being alone sucks, and there will be tears (many) but in the end you have to think this way: is that person losing sleep over you? is that person crying over you? does that person worry about never seeing you again? probably not. why should you waste minutes of your life for them if they wouldn't do the same for you? don't, because they probably don't deserve it and might feel pretty bad when they see you can do fine without them (this is only a MIGHT, because they may truly just not have feelings). don't waste your love on someone else. because the only person who truly loves you, is you. and you can break your own heart, so don't even allow someone else to do it.

and who knows, maybe they'll come back (MAYBE).

-s.

i don't want to work today.

i have to work 5:30 to midnight tonight. that's not exciting. at all. at least i found a $16 bra yesterday at work. i was so excited. it cute too. not like i have anyone to show it to. self esteem booster i guess.

i'm really tired today and i don't feel like going to work. but i can't miss. i'm barely getting hours this week which sucks because i haven't found a second job yet. i'm.... fucked.

have a good day.

-s.

it's true.

-s.